Wasn't it March that's supposed to come roaring in like a lion and leave gently as a lamb? March isn't over yet, but today has been quite breezy and cold. Here in NH, I seem to suffer from short-term memory loss, and every year I'm surprised at just how long it takes for the snow to melt and the days to grow warmer.
This year has been more difficult than past years. Following the Lord's leading, as far as I know (I question so much these days), I returned to NH in December and have been struggling to find footing ever since. I still don't have a real job or a church, and it's hard to remain faithful when each day seems just like the one before. I began spiraling downwards into an unhealthy pit and complain almost constantly to myself and others about my 'situation' and problems. It's a bad place to be and I don't recommend it.
Today I read an amazing article from Desiring God. In essence, it talks about how we complain and forget what God has done for us. Read it for yourself and allow it to speak into you. It convicted me quite a bit about my attitude and my complaining, and reminded me to remember. How could I forget what the Lord has done for me? When I look back and am honest with myself, I can see that He has provided exactly what I need when I need it, be it finances, friends, prayer, food, space, hope, etc. I can compare myself to others until I'm blue in the face, but until I let go of other people's lives or whatever I think I'm lacking, I could never recognize what the Lord is doing in MY life RIGHT NOW.
I complain because I don't have a job yet, or a church, or a community like that one I was used to in AR. But I've been given such a huge blessed amount of time to work on my Etsy shop, expand my creativity, make my own website, and really explore what I can do with my hands - that's huge! I've always wanted to have enough time to do that, and I should and will be so much more grateful than I have been. It's been a hard season, this winter, but it's also brought me a lot. The future is coming.
Anyway, thanks for bearing with me while I write out my thoughts and my heart. This has been quite an honest post, just to share where I am heart-wise, and I hope it blesses you.
Check back tomorrow for another little glimpse into my room/studio - I'll be sharing how I made a little light fixture for my shelf!